Tally Youngblood; journal

Tally Youngblood:  I'm under so much pressure. I don't know what to do. This necklace has placed so much pressure upon me. I still wonder what it is going to be like when I become pretty. But every time that I think of showing my eye to the necklace, I think of all the friends that I will lose. David, Shay, Croy, all of them will be gone forever. I don't know if I can dedicate my entire life to being an ugly. If a use the necklace then I can see Peris again. I made a promise to Peris, and that was that I wouldn't do anything to prevent me from being pretty, nothing that would prevent me from never seeing him again. I miss him, but if I use the necklace I will miss David and Shay. Why has all of this pressure been placed on me. Why did the smoke have to exist. It has ruined my life, why did shay have to run away. Her life was fine just the way that it was, she could be pretty right now, and there would be no guilt for me. I wouldn't have to choose between breaking a promise with Peris or sending a group of my friends to jail. I miss the days when we would hoverboard for fun, now any time that I am on my hoverboard it is for work. It is an entirely new way of life. I didn't realize how easy life was until I traveled to the smoke. Even things such as keeping warm have become a real task. Trading things all of the time for items such clothing. I realize that life will get better as time goes by but I don't think that it will ever be as easy as it was in Uglyville, or as easy as it would have been in new pretty town. Right now I could be in a tower in a party with Peris. I could be having way more fun than here in the Smoke. But I will have to accept the fact that I must make the decision at one point of another. I regret what I did on my first day here. I should have used the necklace then, when it was easiest. Now I have friends here, I can't do it now. Maybe I should tell Shay, but how will she react, if I tell her, will she hate me forever or will she forgive me and understand the situation that I am in. The chance that she would understand what I am going through is very slim. Maybe she would help me, Maybe she would hate me. If I give the smoke away it may make my life a bit better but it will ruin the life of the residents of the smoke. I have to think about what the consequences are. If I use the necklace then all of these people will lose their entire life's work but if I don't I will be ugly possibly forever. This society is so complex, there is nothing that I can do that can get me pretty without ruining the smoke. I wish I had someone to ask someone who I could trust. Someone who would understand the special circumstance that I am in. I wish...